Marriage HJ

In this day and age it can be assumed that many people experience the joy of sex long before marriage. If you are prone to reading newspapers, specifically those produced in small towns in the Midwest, you undoubtedly believe that a hand job is now considered a form of communication for anyone over the age of 12.

No matter your opinion it is a fact that there are a few rare treats, gems within the world of sex, that are saved solely for a married couple. These special experiences are only possible after a number of years of companionship, and do not come easy or even at all for those together less than three years. In addition, they are rarely seen among those involved in long distance relationships. In fact, it is almost completely accurate to say that the more time you spend with your significant other, the more opportune such interactions become.

I am speaking of the marriage hand job. I am speaking of the nights when you return home to the man you married or are committed to, or share so much debt with that you cannot leave, and he is whining or yearning or suggesting. He needs you and you are flat exhausted in a way that, you can imagine, a spartan might feel after three days of battle. Maybe there is spit up on your shirt, under your left breast, and you never washed it off because well, your breasts grew so much during pregnancy you're pretty sure no one even notices it. Perhaps you "hate-ate" a whole bag of potato chips at work while you typed email after email and listened to your boss drone endlessly about her life. You know the circumstances and you know them well. And you know that all you can really spare is your left hand.

The thing about the marriage handjob is that it is the ultimate gift. Each flick of your wrist is a hurdle climbed, an inch closer to the end of your day, to the completion of your to do list. You're not in the mood and you're not going to be but you do it nonetheless. And afterward, you sleep better for it.

The next day he smiles at you over coffee, he kisses you as you leave for work, he feeds the kids so you can put on mascara. As you're driving down the street you look at your right hand against the wheel, "get ready" you tell it because it is another day.