It smells like breast milk in here

My office smells like breast milk. One of the advisors is pumping regularly, as she just recently produced offspring. On her way in today she talked about the feeling of dropping her child off at daycare, saying, "It feels so weird to pay someone for a job you want to be doing."

I can imagine it does.

It started me thinking about the new wave of women who have chosen to stay with their children over their career.

Another coworker discussed this today: "I would be a stay at home mom paying off students loans."

It seems that the career these women really want is far from corporate. I should clarify right now that these are women who made every attempt to build a strong career. They have masters degrees and strong resumes, they learned how to run with the "big dogs", how to dominate the corporate ladder one rung at a time. So, it baffles me that they yearn to walk away from all of that and focus solely on raising children.

More baffling is that these women completely understand their shared sentiment. they speak of "doing what really matters" and "doing what you have to to make ends meet so I can be with her/him."

It makes me wonder what is wrong with me, that I have no desire to do these things. Sure, I know that family is what really matters. and I cherish the time I get with my husband and our canine child. But in the end, I think that if you make the time with your child quality, then it can be the same as spending every waking moment with them. I mean...Right?

And I want to give my child things.. trips to other cities, the experience of new and unique foods and cultures, clothes, shelter.. and I am not sure we can provide all those things on one income. And I am not sure I could give my child my personal best if I was constantly worried about how to pay for the water heater or how late the electric bill is. Not to mention the idea that a strong marriage is (at least partially) dependent on financial stability, and fighting parents don't equal happy children.

Somehow though, these women seem more than willing to take a risk to make it work. And I completely believe that they can. I just don't know that I am of the same daring, morally centered breed.

Work. A necessary evil.

There are people in life that act like going into work every day is the same as being asked to cut off their hand. And maybe for them, it is that bad.

I am not saying that I love my job so much that I want to spend every waking moment here. But, as sad as it is, I am saying that if I didn’t have work--well, I’m not really sure what I would do with myself.

Ok, dear readers, that is a lie. I know exactly what I would do with myself. A bottle of jack and horrible day time television. I would force myself to clean for two hours and then fall into the most destructive pattern you could think of. Pizza and booze and self-loathing would abound. Two months in I would be addicted to crack and four months after that, Art would leave me. True story.

I live with an incredibly self-disciplined person. This amazing man could fill his days with productive quests, working on his own projects and saving the world on the side. He would, in fact, probably work harder at home without a vocation, than he currently does going to work every day. This amazes me because I am simply not this way.

I find myself longing for Fall quarter to begin, for the routine of a busy life and the demands of balancing personal interests with work and continuing education. I need to be busy. Let the fun begin!